clap ur hands after a great movie in theater
what’s the point?
make ur friends laugh
what’s the point?
pretend to smile when u hear a joke even it’s so bad
what’s the point?
try so hard to break the awkward silence
what’s the point?
let other people know ur feelings
what’s the point?
fool around the one who fools around u
what’s the point?
to be cool, to be funny, to be popular, to be likable, to be around
what’s the point?

i have been fascinating with music concerts.
from $10 pub show to $200 venue tour.
tbh, i dont really have negative feeling about nyc
it reminds my hometown sometimes. the crowds, the night life
only difference will be that they are not here
I have been in america almost 31 months, well, 29 months in PA
i know nobody in nyc. feel totally lost while i was in the concerts
used to chat with high school fellows, used to drink w/ them
sometimes went out for a little dance at 1AM and a real good time

i saw people talking to each other, shouting, laughing, dancing
and i am the stranger in town. a 2 month new comer with nothing
i probably will never get the same friends as high school babes
never the friends growing with you, experiencing life together
oh. help me

找到了在國內用的手機
上面還留著那年的短信
仿佛看見當年那個對愛堅持的人
如今只是空空

我只想去沿著別人的足跡
默默微微
不去觸及心底深處那保留的情熱
想試著去分享別人的快樂
（阅读全文…）

down
i feel really down now
i don have a thing want to do
i donno how to live, to be happy
desperately want to be cared deeply for
i even got hurt each time hearing somebody saying honey
i am so scared i will never be loved in next 25 yrs
when i lie in bed, i see the snowflake fall down the street, the tree and the window
i feel i am dying
i am empty and my heart is torn apart
i am growing older and older, but never grow up
i don, really donno how to move on all by myself
i stay in bathrom for an hour, letting the water pouring down on my head
i try to have a cry to release the stress
i cant just cant
trying so hard but couldnt make it
while i was drying my hair, i saw a smile face which makes me fucking sad
i keep demonstrating a smile at work, at school, at market and in front of everybody
i remember the days i used to have some one to fight
the days i used to have some one to hold
and now i couldnt feel nothing
i just need a who to surrport me, to hold me, to love me
to make me alive

i hate the weakness side of me so bad
however, everybody got weak sometimes
i never put my pressures on others shoulder
i am turning into an intense man i never thought i would be
i dreamt bout a person who will carry some pressures off me
id wait for life
even its too hard to wait
too desperate to wait
too sad to wait
and im afraid of the one will never walk into my life
i still pray and try to keep calm
i wish i could find the meaning of life in year 2009
a life i truly believe in

越是說著沒有期待沒有未來
越是如水晶般清澈地渴望著

一遍一遍不厭其煩地重復
呆呆地注視著時光蹉跎
等待一句問候
等待一些關懷
等待最美麗的時刻
即使不能在最美麗的年華發生
也請至少務必出席
一會兒也好
我會邁上前去
延續這時刻
即使沒有在最美麗的年華發生
至少來到我身邊 在下一秒
告訴我
自己面臨的不會是
無盡的墜落

抱紧你，也无济于事。你就像是一只鸟，不管怎样，在艳阳天下不知疲倦地飞着。于是我把你推向不太蓝但却干净的天空。站在地面上，远远对你祝福。

天气很好，心情也不错。已经有很长一段时间了，保持着这种自恋的状况。来来去去，一些人像在梦境……
在布丁堆里翻滚，甜甜的，我能看见布丁做的雪人。阳光像羽毛飘在你头发上停留。在那个发着钻石般光芒的游泳池里，我能嗅到水珠在你身上添加的芬芳。月亮下的蓝紫色棉花糖被你裹着睡觉。想骑一匹纯白色的骏马吗？坐在它的背上，抱住它柔软的头，让它带你到想要去的地方。恣意地在幻想尽头的翠绿色草坪上躺下，任阳光和微风洗去你的不快。闭着的眼睛看见了斑斓的世界，它在你耳朵上轻轻咬着，它潜入你的脑中，你便在小溪中飞着。你试着跳高一些，试着在举起你的气流中，抚摩那一片寂静的海。你注视着转动的世界，向一切的存在微笑，向存在的一切问候。坐在天涯的那颗岩石上，摇摆着大海的歌声。那歌声让你掂起太阳般的脚丫在海面上起舞。海面上的倒影是天上飘着的棉花。你兴奋地摘起一串浪花戴在头上。飞鸟抓起你，你顺势掀起晚霞，在你眼里闪烁闪烁。黄昏中，就只有你我。你坐在树干上，挑逗绿叶的脉搏。我盖住你的眼睛，一起升向湖面。你湿漉漉的展示在我眼前，我抱住你亲吻你深入你品尝你想要你成为我的。你抚摩我吻住我吮吸我呼唤我最终却化作一只鸟。不论怎样，都要飞翔在属于你的世界。看过了所有的美景，留下了一把黑色卷曲的头发。我能看见你停留过的地方还残留着那坚强的背影。太阳从山那一头升起来，阳光像雪花般洒向大地，盖住了你留在我世界中的一切。然后，雪花甜甜地融化，像是你湿润的唇的味道。

天气真的不错，心情也很好。舒缓的空气让人懒洋洋。握紧拳头，再松开，我放走了它，风筝，鱼儿，思念。于是我把牵绊住我的东西推向那不太蓝但却干净的天空。站在地面上，远远地，向它们说拜拜，也向它们送上祝福。

〖于2002.4.13〗

（阅读全文…）

說
我呼會是你吸
說
你不是不相信我而是懷疑世界
說
在夜晚抬頭看見星星時想起的人群中有一個是我
說
理解我甚至到不需說不需言語便能及時送上大大的溫暖同滿滿的愛

i know i’ll still wake up tomorrow
wake up without you tomorrow
i know it’ll be spring probably
but there’s no spring in my life
before you walk into my life

sometimes i dive into my dreams deeply
feel like sinking within the fantasy about you
sometimes i want to cut my body into piece
my meat and bone giveaway all is yours

what a pity i don’t have your address
what a pity i don’t know your name
what a pity i don’t exist in your eyes
what a pity i don’t meet you yet

let me bleed, let me drown, let me suffer
as i’ll never gonna meet you
no one gonna help me to breath
i’ll never have any chance to say that
never have chance to hear that
that i love you, i love you, i love you

a.对我而言简直是奇迹 我完成了2月2日说的拿一次全勤奖 真是有纪念意义的2月~
好样的 Good job！

b.12个月前你说“从今以后我会记得老公的生日了” 但你或许是忘了 或许还记得 但却已不当我是老公了~

c.说到生日 我不记得我在几岁时吃过自己的birthday cake 今年蛮想过生日 不过这几个月可能没时间 而且生日是母亲的苦难日 如果可能以后都不打算过 但还是想亲爱的对我说声生日快乐 可能不是要求高低的问题 而是我不该抱有期待

d.我想 认识了你 你出生的日子于是便忘不了了 看见bjork新碟发行时间确定 我第一反应就是激动 不是激动能听到新歌 而是发行的日子是你的生日 这就象是一个预兆 上张bjork——我爱的歌手——的碟里有首歌叫vigil 是我的名字 而新碟又把你联系了起来 太傻了我 不说了。。。

e.这次我会拼尽全力实现我的目标 所以我们走在一起的可能微乎其微 我是知道的 我知道你也是这样想的
“就算知道结局我们还会相爱吗？我的答案是会！”
或许现在你的答案已经改变 或许对你而言已经爱过 而我的答案是 哪怕只有一点可能 我也要幸福的结局。

the end