friend

Good friends remain true and reliable no matter what.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of a fair-weather friend. A “friend” like that is only friendly when things are going well. The moment we get into trouble or are in need of help, fair-weather friends vanish.

“If I lost my job and had no money, I wonder if I’d still have my friends.”

i find it fascinating. if i cannot use somebody when the time comes, he’s not a true friend?

to be honest, all i want is fair-weather friend. i don’t ever want you to help me, never. if you offer to help, great, surely will i appreciate it. in reverse circumstance, if you want my help, i am happy to be there for you. and don’t feel like you need to pay back. personally, just be a fair-weather friend to me. have a drink, grab a bite, enjoy a show, share a road trip, and anything non-sexual non-emotional.

is it too much to ask? or am i sounding too good on paper? no, because i hate helping people out after the second times. if you need the same help more than twice, i have to whine it in your face. seriously, put your shit together man!

plus often, i find myself being replaced by someone who gives more emotional supports. i guess cold blooded is not popular in human being.

still, i do need fair-weather friends to catch movies and shows. and don’t go with your true friends please! lol

诉求

我以为我要的很少很简单
但事实上这几年却未曾成功过
一起看看电影 搭车看场演出 旅游分担房费 什么活动凑个人数
不感兴趣的不强求 不会因为“作为朋友” 强迫卖个人情
喝酒吃饭 闲聊扯淡 却不会夜夜倾谈心声 不会不见面也熟络人情网络地对话
简单说就是酒肉朋友
是否人们都在避免充当酒肉朋友 而单一地要求着真友
我不知道
我只知道我无法充当倾吐真心的朋友
我只知道我不需要一个倾听我心的朋友
我只知道我能够给于燃眉的帮助但不是日日地照顾
我只知道我不会找你帮忙但你不会认为我排斥你针对你冷落你
结果是
这样的朋友不存在 存在的是比你更近人情的那个人替代你的位置
直到我遇到另一个和我有相同诉求的人的那天
我想 我是无法结交新朋友了

either satisfied alone or desperately needy
either depressed or violently happy
never in-between

Last but not least..
actually, this one is sort of the beginning of my writing!

迷　
文 / vigilgt

太多太多不平衡引诱着太多太大太广的距离感。

是离奇的分别发展为不稳定的关系。

所以她走了，三天内就离开了我的视线，如晨雾一般消失而又不留一丝痕迹。
（阅读全文…）

would like to attend some concerts
would like to try out different food in other’s dish
would like to drive to somewhere in turns
would like to have fun like before with crazies
do not have friends here
do not have friends in years
do not want to dance to the music all by myself
do not want to travel alone
do not want to watch a movie without company
do not want to make one-person reservation
do not love my life any more

clap ur hands after a great movie in theater
what’s the point?
make ur friends laugh
what’s the point?
pretend to smile when u hear a joke even it’s so bad
what’s the point?
try so hard to break the awkward silence
what’s the point?
let other people know ur feelings
what’s the point?
fool around the one who fools around u
what’s the point?
to be cool, to be funny, to be popular, to be likable, to be around
what’s the point?

i have been fascinating with music concerts.
from $10 pub show to $200 venue tour.
tbh, i dont really have negative feeling about nyc
it reminds my hometown sometimes. the crowds, the night life
only difference will be that they are not here
I have been in america almost 31 months, well, 29 months in PA
i know nobody in nyc. feel totally lost while i was in the concerts
used to chat with high school fellows, used to drink w/ them
sometimes went out for a little dance at 1AM and a real good time

i saw people talking to each other, shouting, laughing, dancing
and i am the stranger in town. a 2 month new comer with nothing
i probably will never get the same friends as high school babes
never the friends growing with you, experiencing life together
oh. help me

找到了在國內用的手機
上面還留著那年的短信
仿佛看見當年那個對愛堅持的人
如今只是空空

我只想去沿著別人的足跡
默默微微
不去觸及心底深處那保留的情熱
想試著去分享別人的快樂
（阅读全文…）

down
i feel really down now
i don have a thing want to do
i donno how to live, to be happy
desperately want to be cared deeply for
i even got hurt each time hearing somebody saying honey
i am so scared i will never be loved in next 25 yrs
when i lie in bed, i see the snowflake fall down the street, the tree and the window
i feel i am dying
i am empty and my heart is torn apart
i am growing older and older, but never grow up
i don, really donno how to move on all by myself
i stay in bathrom for an hour, letting the water pouring down on my head
i try to have a cry to release the stress
i cant just cant
trying so hard but couldnt make it
while i was drying my hair, i saw a smile face which makes me fucking sad
i keep demonstrating a smile at work, at school, at market and in front of everybody
i remember the days i used to have some one to fight
the days i used to have some one to hold
and now i couldnt feel nothing
i just need a who to surrport me, to hold me, to love me
to make me alive

i hate the weakness side of me so bad
however, everybody got weak sometimes
i never put my pressures on others shoulder
i am turning into an intense man i never thought i would be
i dreamt bout a person who will carry some pressures off me
id wait for life
even its too hard to wait
too desperate to wait
too sad to wait
and im afraid of the one will never walk into my life
i still pray and try to keep calm
i wish i could find the meaning of life in year 2009
a life i truly believe in